Saturday Morning Beer

While the powers that be fight beer commercials that seem to target young people,  they forget a universal truth: EVERYBODY LOVES CARTOONS, ESPECIALLY DRUNKS. Here's a first round...




You show 'im sister!



Guinness gives you drunken, slurring delusional strength.



First Winston cigarettes now this! Apparently aimed directly at Busch employees, Fred and Barney do what they should have always been doing to advance their careers...getting Mr. Slate drunk.

Quisp: A Story of Rivalry and Redemption

Ah Quisp, iconic cereal character...at least for decade or so.

Quisp cereal was introduced by Quaker Oats Company in 1965 with commercial spots by Jay Ward Productions. Jay Ward is probably best known as the creator of the Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoons, and it's worth noting that Quisp bears a passing resemblance to "Cloyd" the Moon Man from the show's first serial "Jet Fuel Formula".



(Quisp's occasional sidekick "Quunchy" also bore similarities to the likewise mustached moon man "Gidney".)

The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show was sponsored by General Mills and the show characters promoted some of their various cereals. Ward's production company took some of that experience at cereal shilling over to Quaker Oats, creating first Captain Crunch, then Quisp and later the original King Vitaman.

Quisp was unique in that he was paired with a rival cereal and mascot called "Quake". The setup was basically that Quisp was a crispy cereal promoted by a manic alien from outer space, while Quake was a crunchy cereal who's mascot was a 'roided up looking miner from underground. (Hence "Inner space".) The two would then argue over who had the superior product.





(I imagine most modern parents would not be too crazy about a cereal promoting it's "Sugar energy" these days.)

Quisp was voiced by Hanna Barbera regular Daws Butler (Who also was the original Captain Crunch.) while Quake was played by William Conrad. (Who among other things was the Rocky & Bullwinkle narrator.) Their rivalry eventually extended to a 1972 campaign to vote for which of the two cereals should remain on store shelves. By this point Quake had slimmed down a little and been given an Australian makeover, but it was too late. There was no way kids could deny the comparative charms of the little spaceman. Quake wound up relegated as the sidekick to Simon the "Quangaroo", a marsupial hawking a (Frankly awful tasting.) cereal with the same name.



Despite their initial bravado, when the vote came up again in 1976, Quisp once more came out on top. Alas, the little guy would not prevail for long. As the 70's went on he saw declining sales, possibly because aside from the shape, Quisp cereal tasted pretty much like the more popular Captain Crunch. By the end of the decade it was gone.

But this was not to be the end for our Gen X icon. After a brief reappearance in the 80's, Quisp was eventually relaunched as "The first internet cereal" available for online purchase only. The website came complete with a new cartoon by John Kricfalusi of Ren & Stimpy fame



Since then, Quisp has appeared in various limited time "Guerilla displays" in stores and also at Target chains. Although not as available as other cereals, it continues to soldier on to the joy of children and the dismay of parents who have to put up with their "Quazy Sugar Energy".

Dean Martin is Coming to Steal Your Cereal

I mean Sugar Bear. That guy. For such a laid back cereal mascot, you've got to admire his brass balls. While Trix the Rabbit tried various ineffectual schemes to get cereal and Lucky Leprechaun had all he could do to keep from getting mugged by hungry tykes, Sugar Bear just marched in like a juggernaut and took that fuckin' cereal.





I suppose Granny Goodwitch could've tried turning him into a frog, but maybe it's just as well she didn't.

Gimmie an Uncle Charlie

No, no, no...not the old guy from "My Three Sons", I'm using the nickname for Utica Club Beer. ("Uncle Charlie Lewis" if it's Utica Club Light. See what they're doing there?) Originally introduced in 1988, it was the first beer officially sold after Prohibition. Somewhat scarce these days outside of northern New York state, Utica Club is currently brewed by the F.X. Matt Brewery, which is better known for it's Saranac line of craft beers.

I used to drink Utica Club sometimes in college back in the mid 80's. I recall it as an unremarkable but serviceably inexpensive brew. I remember one of my punk rock pals calling me "Utica Club" because that happened to be my go-to budget beer when he met me. (College guys are all about the nicknames.) At any rate, Utica Club is less memorable for it's suds then for it's pitchmen Schultz and Dooley



Schultz & Dooley were first introduced in 1958 to Northeastern TV audiences as "Spokesmugs" for the brewery. Referencing two beer loving ethnicities, Schultz was German and Dooley was Irish. Both were voiced with mucho gusto by comedian Jonathan Winters. Physically the mugs were brought to life (In wood, not stein ceramics.) by accomplished puppeteer Bill Baird, creator of the "Baird's Marionettes" which made many show biz rounds back in the day. (Most likely you've seen his handiwork in the "The Lonely Goatherd" puppet sequence of "The Sound of Music".)

The concept of the talking beer steins was created by the Doyle Dane Bernbach advertising company. After failed pitches to other breweries, the then parent company for Utica Club WEBCO took a chance on the idea to try to increase lackluster sales. Their gambit paid off, with production rising 50% in just a couple of years. The characters were so popular they even raised the ratings of the syndicated shows they advertised on!



Unfortunately all things must come to an end. By the mid sixties market research showed that the characters were popular, but they'd ceased to be effective at actually selling the beer and were replaced by a new campaign set in a psychedelic rock club. (Not real popular with Utica Club's older blue collar base.) After a brief lackluster comeback without Winters' vocal stylings, ol' Schutlz and Dooley were consigned to marketing history.

Well, almost. The pair's functional designs lent themselves to the production of actual steins starting in 1959. Since then, they've been in pretty much constant production from one source or another. They're currently available online and through other venues. (We bought ours at the Vermont Brewer's Fest.) Not only are Schultz and Dooley available, but so are every other character who appeared in the commercials, as well as new ones who didn't.

So here's a couple of the classic spots. Feel free to enjoy a frosty one while watching.

When you're hot, you're hot...

Good news for people like me who are obsessed with defunct advertising mascots! (Hey! What's with the looks?) A news blurb courtesy of Cartoon Brew says that Renegade Animation has obtained the rights to the Funny Face characters and is working on a pilot for a potential cartoon series.


(This is a color version of a picture I did for the last issue of GRRL zine waaaay back towards the end of the 20th Century featuring Funny Face mugs.)

For those of you who have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, some history: Back in the sixties Pillsbury (They of the giggling dough dude) were jealous of the bucks General Foods was raking in with Kool Aid. (Fun fact: Originally Kool Aid was a liquid concentrate called "Fruit Smack". No wonder Kurt Cobain used to use the stuff to die his hair...) Figuring to outdo Kool Aid's pitcher-with-a-face-draw-on (Later to be known as "Kool Aid Man") Funny Face drink packets featured a whole menagerie of cartoon characters, such as Goofy Grape, Lefty Lemon, Loudmouth Lime...and more controversially Injun Orange and Chinese Cherry. (These were later changed to the less racially divisive Jolly Ollie Orange and Choo-Choo Cherry.) Additionally, they created a barrage of merchandise featuring the characters, most popularly a set of drink mugs. (You can see a slew of Funny Face premiums and packages here at the wonderful Imaginary World site.) Unfortunately, although fondly remembered, Funny Face never did that well against Kool Aid. It didn't help that in the sixties is was made with cyclamates, and even after they were removed there was the perception among some that the stuff could still kill white rats.

So will the cartoon be any good? I admit I've never seen Renegade's TV shows Hi Hi Puffy Amy Yumi or the Mr Men show, but I do remember when Elmo Aardvark was running strong. That and other shorts of theirs I've seen were highly entertaining, so here's hoping...

In the meantime to whet your appetites (Or thirsts, as the case may be.) here's a couple of vintage Funny Face spots:

The sixties version with the original politically incorrect lineup.



The seventies version with less cancer and less appealing art direction.